I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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