yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
