we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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