i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
