he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
