I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it glows. i had to have it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
