I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
