Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize