actually, I'm a sock model
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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