Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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