its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize