threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
