what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize