Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
