i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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