i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
