i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
