Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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