I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize