and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
