my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
