I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
