all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
