I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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