So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
