oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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