Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
