can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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