Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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