explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
