I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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