I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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