I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
