have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
