It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
