thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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