I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
