Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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