Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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