I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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