Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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