Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
