Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I will die if light touches me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
