At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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