part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
