In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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