The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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