Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
