Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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