It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
