doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
