you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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