Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
