the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
