Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
