She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
