She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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