what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
