i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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