he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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