my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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