Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
