I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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