he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
