Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
