Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
