I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
