He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
