Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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