this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
