I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
