I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize