There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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