There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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