I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize