Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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