anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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