Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
