just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
