i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
