my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have aggressive nipples.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
