Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
