You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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