Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think I just sharted jello shots
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
