you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
