He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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