She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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