I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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