YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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