How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
