Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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