someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
