Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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