he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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