End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
