I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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