listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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