direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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